"All events are true based on how I remember & interpret
them, though names have been changed. The facts and opinions I talk
about regarding these issues are typically well researched and not
written lightly on, without much thought and consideration. These blogs
are drafts that will be gone over in time when compiled into the
book. They are being posted now to promote the issues "now" and to get
feed back from those who wish to help in the process. Just because you
are tagged in them I do not expect you will always have the time to
read or keep up with them, so please don't feel obligated to. I expect
some if not many grammatical and spelling errors. Other than that
please feel free to give me feed back whither, positive or critical. I
need both! Either with my writing style, ethical principles or
philosophical interpretations. Some of the issues I discuss involve
walking a fine line between respecting certain views in several subject
areas and challenging them and the status-quo... I'm trying to walk it
the best I can. Thank you!
12-11-12
Hey Joe I need to talk with you for a minute...in private.------"You
know Kory it's funny you're bringing this up to me. He called me at five
o'clock in the morning yesterday asking what you where doing up here."
"Really" I said. " I didn't even know he knew I was Pat's son let alone
was up here...That is crazy! How'd he find out Joe?" "You know Kory I
don't know. But he's was not happy about it! Going on about. Kory has
know right to be up there! He has a Job...probably making 15 and hour
(which is not true)...has an apartment with his dad. (Which is also not
true) He's just coming up here to start shit with me. You guys have him
coming in undercover to try and get to me. I know it. I'm not going to
stand for this. I'm going to call the board and talk to them. He has no
right to be up there." " REALLY? WOW. That is so crazy Joe...I was
hoping I wouldn't get pulled into this. I'm just focused on the mission
right now. I don't care to have anything to do with him." ------- This
is part of a continuing conversation Joe and I had from the first day I
went up to the shelter a conversation that was an accident to be honest.
Joe asking "How's your father Kory?" Leading me to answer honestly with
the good and the situation at hand. The funny thing was that Joe was
able to pick up on who it was with out me mentioning a name or a
physical description just his actions in regards to others. But to
understand it requires telling the back story..and what a story it is!
But we'll get to that later.---- I make it up the shelter just a little
past 8 o'clock. Supper has been put up for the most part aside from
Charles the volunteer eating some "Chicken on a stick." The other lady
volunteering tonight, I didn't catch her name...did I even ask? But she
asks if I'm hungry and I tell her "yes." She's a bigger lady and I can't
remember if she's the same one from the other night or not but about
mid 50's early 60's I would say, with white hair, glasses and an easy
smile on here face. "It's KFC tonight." She says enthusiastic about it.
Not knowing I'm a kosher vegetarian and against KFC's practices when it
comes to handling, housing and the killing of there "product." For those
of you who don't know a "Kosher Vegetarian" is someone who try's not to
consume anything from animals that are raised or killed in-humanely or
add harmful ingredients such as but not limited to hormones and
antibiotics to their diet...to grow them bigger and faster and keep them
from dieing due to the disgusting tortures environment in which they
live. But alas I have little choices here. So I thank her and proceed to
eat the chicken. I must admit that it is good while I'm at the same
time I'm disgusted. I am only two put down two of the 4 pieces she put
on my plate along with the corn and fruit on the side. I ask if anyone
else is interested in the other two pieces. Charles tells, with a mouth
full of chicken on a stick already in his mouth, to "Put it up on the
shelf and I'll take it home latter." It makes me wonder if Charles based
on his humble appearance and the way he's going to town on the food
that he's just inches above poverty himself." Then again maybe not. I've
eaten better there than I have at home in quite some time, aside from
the meat. People are always bringing food up left over from parties or
banquets or just out the care of there heart. I clean up my area and
head outside with some of the other guests to go and smoke outside. "I'm
about out of cigarets" Dan says with a facial expression of someone
who's said that a lot lately. "Tell me about it." Says Peter" "I had to
pick up two days' worth of cans and take them to Harges's to get money
to buy some. Got about 16 bucks, not to bad I guess." I ask what they
usually do to make some fast cash and they tell me there aren't many
options except for collecting and selling cans, pan handling, which is
illegal in Coles county or hitting up the churches for money." The later
being somewhat of an issue for some. Since others have been known to
take advantage of the churches hospitality to only turn around and spend
the money on drugs or alcohol. "It pisses most of them off because when
someone could actually use the money the few choice others spoil it for
the ones who could actually use it. We get on the conversation of jobs
Peter tells us his challenges with finding a good job. "I've put in
several applications today. One back at County Market over there. Heck I
don't know how many applications I've put in at county market." I
concur "Heck back in the day when I was looking for a job I put several
in there as well and did check ups on my application. But never got any
phone calls" Yea- peter says" But the good thing is I've got hope about
getting a job at Freddy's." A new restaurant in town that is trying
too hard to be like Stake-n-Shake if you ask me. "The same people in
town who own the Arby's down on Charleston ave. Told me I was too
qualified to cook there when I put in my application and so they were
going to see if they could get me a position out there at Fredy's. Which
hey, doesn't bother me. I've always liked cooking and at this point
I'll take what I can get." After finishing our smokes we head back
inside and each go about making the night interesting as possible. For
the most part that requires a lot jesting each other, telling jokes and
stories, getting on the computer they have for us and playing some cards
here and there. I grab my book "The Moral Landscape- How Science can
determine Human values" A book I'm reading for a book study with some
friends and that apply to some moral issues regarding poverty, the
people in it and how we as a society deal with it. It's proved to be
both enlightening, interesting and confusing at times. But the basic
argument is that Morality, which has almost universally been excepted as
subjective/relative to cultures or rooted objectively in a higher power
of some sorts, has to be re-framed and equated with the "well being of
conscious creatures" Or other wise it can give way to calling atrocious
acts in the name of culture or God to be good and moral. Such as the
belief held with many Muslim groups in the forcing of veils and
education prevention of women to the point of any resistance equates to
death or tortures acts as in the case of the little girl Mala. Or where
the cultural practice of certain permitive tribes to cut off the
"clitoris" of young women because "women are not to enjoy sex." The
fundamentalist christian view that people who are born gay should not
have the rights of others because what homosexuals view as love... to
fundamentalist is considered to be an "evil and amoral" act and to allow
it would invoke "God's wrath." This is a view with the same reasoning
applied to being born black during the days of slavery and segregation.
Or cultures of extreme evolutionism such as Hitler's Nazi party or Pol
Pot who thought the most moral thing to do was to rid the world of it's
problems such as disease and ignorance through the annihilation of
races they considered un-pure. It should be obvious that these sort of
practices in the name of "God" or "Culture" are not in the best interest
of an overall well being both personally and universally. Because in
reality these things are not rooted objectively in a god or culture
they're rooted on man made scriptures and cultural practices of the
past. They invoke fallacious infallibility and out dated traditions
based in ignorance of our current evolved understanding of what well
being means. But even the perpetrators of such acts are as much a victim
to their own ingrained thinking as the ones they harm. If they only new
that they themselves are caught up in a life that is not being lived to
the fullest extent of the word "Well-being" cause it goes against the
golden rule and the fullest spectrum in which that can be applied. But
if people of any and all faiths understand that morals should be
understood and are based on our ever expanding and understanding view of
what well being is, then we have somewhere to stand from and grow.
Because that's what it comes down too. Wither in this life or the
next...You can't escape that morals need to be rooted in "the well being
of conscious creatures" But I do love that he poses the argument that
morals take on a "landscape" nature and that their are often times not
direct black and white solutions. That there could be many alternatives
to well being and the lack there of, within the reasoning of well being,
and that well being still has room for growth and a better
understanding of it. He uses the analogy of "health." Our idea of health
100 years ago is not the same as it is today and within reason has room
for different values on how to be the healthiest. This applies to
poverty in many ways and how we deal with it. In which I will explain a
little bit about later.----Ten O'clock roles around and Joe, the third
shift worker, comes in an hour early as usual. And on cue some of the
other guys in the room start rassing on him with him giving it right
back. Joe is a bigger guy mid 50's to 60's. Usually sporting a hat and a
Jolly smile. A country boy appeal to himself. I tell him "Hi" and he
start's to get settled in a bit, letting our good hearted friend Charles
leave for the night...my chicken from earlier wrapped up in aluminum
foil in hand and takes of out the door wishing every a good
night...Charles is a wizard mechanic, can fix anything with a
motor...and the best part is, he LOVES his Job. I love hearing people
tell me that. I got the since that outside of mechanics his formal
education might not be that high, which is probably a good thing in many
areas. Considering it probably allowed him to learn how to think and
what to put priorities on in his life like...Do following you heart and
loving others. Not follow the money and love others who can help you.
His vernacular may suggest a lower standard education but his "words",
actions and heart suggest a wiser man than most. And wisdom is far a
greater characteristic than just being an societies version of
intellect.--- I wait for a while just talking with Joe and the others,
biding my chance to ask him the question my father wanted me to ask. A
smoke break came, which happens often here, and the ones not in the back
laying down started to head out side. Joe a smoker himself lagging
behind a bit was the last one. When it was just me and him in the front I
figured this was as good a time as any I said "Hey Joe, I need to talk
with you for a minute...in private." looking at me for a minute with a
puzzled look and says "Yea what's up buddy" And just as I was about to
ask. Peter came up front.....I look at peter for a second then thought,
"damn."....."Ummm, never mind Joe..I'll just ask you later." He looks
at me with an even more puzzled look and says in a voice that amplified
his confusion "Ookaay?" and then slowly heads out the door. I go on
about reading my book for a while, while some of the others start to get
ready for bed. At this point I'm about ready for a cigarette my self
and I putt on my jackets and head outside....Joe following shortly
afterward. "So what did you want to talk to me about Kory?"------Like I
said for you to understand the story you need to hear about the back
story. A story that starts about two years ago. A story that starts out
as about most do. A story as old as time and as deep as the wounds it
left in our 5am caller. A love story of tragedy, but so far with out an
ending.One in which left both people broken up and shattered by it. The
only difference is..is that one of them, unable to let go, decided to
pick up the broken, sharp, piercing pieces and go on the attack, slicing
through every remaining person close to the girl... that got
away...but barely...and always seemly in his reach and in his obsessed
mind. "Bobby Hall Winters" a Big guy about 340 5"10 sandy blond hair
with miss matched clothing. The description I got from the "one" time I
saw him...from the front seat of my dads car as m father pulled over
next to him on a side walk then jumping out in a fire of furry and
indignation, threatening to stomp a foot up his ass if he didn't leave
his girlfriend and him alone.--- Bobby was at one point seeing My
father's Girlfriend's best friend "Daisy". Daisy, a sweet girl at heart
and mother of two trying to find here way through what many might call a
tough life, has made here fair share of bad choices when it's come to
finding love. But with this one in regards to topping the cake would not
be an accurate description...he's a whole other cake to him self. The
damage he's left in his wake of vengeance has spread through boy friend
to boyfriend Daisy met after him and even my father. Going so far as to
smash countless windows in cars and homes, calling their work reporting
make shift lies about anything from drug abuse to child abuse. Putting
restraining orders on the people too Calling DCFS....even being seen at
the bus stop of Linda's littler girl. Linda being my father's
girlfriend. But the craziest thing about this guy is that he seems
untouchable and to find out everything. My father, trying to do the
"Christian" thing by not resorting to violence or trickery, much of that
of what are friend Bobby is known for today and my father was know for
before he took his faith seriously, has resorted to trying to build a
case on him for over a year now. But to little to know avail. Always
seeming to slip through the cracks. He was even caught on camera
smashing Daisy's current boyfriends windows in his vehicle and home. And
as of so far there has been one court date...but with finger prints
missing from the file was let go. From the report my father has gotten
from speaking with several of authority figures cops and judges, all he
has gotten so far is "Pat there are forces at work here above us is all I
can say" "Pat, I'm not allowed to look at your file...I could get in
trouble" "Pat, you need to stop asking about Bobby." Honestly I have
little to know Idea who this mystery man is but all I know now is that
he's aware of me...and thinks I'm out to get him. Though a part of me is
slightly worried what his plan might be...if he has one other than
trying to get me kicked out of the shelter in which I was assured was
not going to happen, I'm at peace with whatever happens. Call it a
reliance on a vague sense of a higher power of some sorts...whatever
that means Or my years of training to have serenity in accepting the
things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the
wisdom to know the difference. I do not believe he is untouchable and he
will see his day...and soon. Justice has a way of working it's self
around...maybe not in the way we want or think it should and if it
doesn't then Justice's sister Karma will make sure of it. Bobby is no
stranger to the shelter, he him self apparently has spent many nights up
here eating or staying the night. And apparently the consensus of the
group within the shelter find him to be many negative choice words. His
bridges are being burnt left and right...loosing solid ground to stand
on, he'll find him self Isolated and alone...that which he's been
running from...in his hopes of it being into daisy's arms.-----Now many
people would say that this person is behaving is amoral and they would
be right but we can not say that he is necessarily amoral or evil. It's
not entirely his fault and to call him an evil man is simply not
understanding what we know today in regards of certain areas of science,
neurology, psychology & sociology among others. As Sam talks about
in his book these issues derive from a genetic and social frame work.
For example people with who are labeled as psychopaths lack certain
connections in the brain that allow them to feel empathy or sense it in
others. Their brain was simply not wired the same way a normal persons
is and depending on the severity of those factors along with the social
environment in which they grew up or are in presently, they feed off
each other producing the results of ones character making it more
positive or negative aka "Good or Evil." This also goes into how we deal
with these types of people. We have built a society that wants to
punish or strictly condemn negative behavior more than understanding it
or trying to resolve it. This type of philosophy does little if anything
in behavior control. As given by our statistical evidence in the areas
of repeat offenders in almost any area of crime and or poverty.Imagine
if we reversed this view point the countless numbers of people who, once
was seen as burden to society, are now seen as positive
contributors....Makes you think and hope...I hope.---- I put my arms
around Joe's back and give him a couple pats on the back and tell him
"Thanks for looking out." He tells me "No problem and that he has my
back." The question I needed to ask him in private was, If my father
would be able to speak with him in regards to Bobby, since Bobby
confided in Joe about some of his mischievous deeds. I just had to make
sure no confidentiality agreements were being broken in doing so. He
assured me since Bobby was not registered up here at the moment that it
would not be any problem. Being comforted in the fact and finished with
our cigs, We head inside and Just as were taking off our Jackets and I
telling Joe that I would let my father know...the door opens and in
walks my father almost as if it was a cue. "Hey dad!"I say a little
freaked out and confused and frustrated that he would come up here with
out me letting him know it was okay. There was no point in asking him
what he was doing up here, I knew what he wanted and not knowing if it
would be a good idea to get him to say it out in the open with a couple
people still being up I just ask "Did you try calling me or something?"
Thinking maybe he tried and was not able to get through to me so
decided to come up and check. He says no and just gives me a hug then
says hello to Joe with his big smile and warm personality, long blond
hair tucked under his Harley Davidson hat with matching H.D. black
Jacket.I try and gauge Joe's face and he not only seems okay with him
being there...also knowing what dad wanted to talk about, But seemed to
be glad he was there. We all pull up chairs around the main desk. Peter,
the only other one up now sitting at a desk next to us checking
messages on his facebook seemed to be not that interested in what was
going on. After some initial formalities of "How's things going my dad
and Joe jump right into the conversation at hand. I wait for a little
bit of a break in between and ask Joe if he is allowed to disclose the
conversation we had outside just a minute ago about the phone call. He
says sure and proceeds to tell my dad the story again. He say's he's not
surprised really but wonders how Bobby found out about me and me being
up here. As suspected though his fatherly instincts kick in and he tells
Joe what I've heard him say before "If he ever tried to hurt Kory
though that would be it! I will go to jail for that I don't care!" Even
at 25 and being a former Muay Thai kick boxer/ MMA fighter and coach
I'm still his baby boy...but that's what they say. "You never out grow
you're parents out look that you're still their little one." What did
surprise me though was that Joe second it. I mean I knew we've built a
good friendship over the couple years of me being a volunteer and we
both had a tremendous amount of respect for one other but I had no idea
he'd be willing to go to jail for me so to speak...Feeling a little
overwhelmed, tired and a sense of "how about them Cowboys" awkwardness
I tell them both I'm heading in the back to pass out for the night. I
hug my dad one more time and give "Joe" another pat on the back for good
measure and to show I appreciate his brave words of daring. I head
towards the back thinking about the night earlier, the fun it was just
to hang out with everybody and crack jokes and tell stories of our
achievements, our failures or past "romantic partners" ....You know guy
stuff. The new lady that came in tonight. A pretty and well kept lady
about mid forty's to mid fifty's, with brown hair and only her upper
dentures in. With one of those voices that suggested she'd been smoking
for a long time. Her personality fit right in with our crazy group so
far. Dan, a tough looking tall middle aged guy with dark brown hair,
mustache, scattered tattoo's and working mans appearance. Tim, a quick
witted slightly older gentleman who's always got something funny to
say...which usually is funny. His wicked mustache moving as rapidly as
his quick witted comments. I don't know if I've ever seen him without
his stocking cap on though...it makes me wonder if he sleeps with it on.
Peter, a sandy blond haired man with a kind face and just several
inches taller than me, makes me think he could look like a liberal
college professor who doubles as a blue collar worker. I've known
Peter from the past years at the shelter he's a guy that seems to wear
his heart just under his sleeve and really wants to make a difference in
his life. And then of coarse Gigi, the girl everyone thinks is a little
out there. She's the most mysterious though so far. She mostly keeps to
here self, smokes and drinks coffee like an old time sailor and keeps a
some what agitated look to her. I just keep trying to break the ice and
build communication with here. Sometimes she responds...sometimes she
doesn't and just looks at me or ignores me completely. I don't know what
it was about the first night i stayed in which she opened up but that's
okay. I just continue to try and build a positive relationship in which
we can grow in. As I lay down I can here Joe and my dad talking away in
the background my mind drifting to that, the events of the day and what
tomorrow holds which is going to be a full one realizing I that I need
to get some sleep if I'm ever going to have the energy to last through
tomorrow. So that's what I do I slowly start to drift to sleep.
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